Hi. Good morning 🙂
Wow, my creative brain is flying. I am really pretty new to this “being a creator” lifestyle so thank you for the opportunity to share my ideas with you.
Today, I’m going to be sharing with you the systematic methods I use in order to strengthen my “change-my-state muscle.” The CMS muscle is one that I hear about all the time — sort of. What I mean by this is we’re hearing all the time about “thinking positively,” but what does that mean exactly? Sometimes I feel as if I’m living in a sea of negative thoughts and it’s all I can do to keep my head above the horizon. On these days I’m not even sure what a joyous mind looks like. But I know that’s what I want and I’ve finally started to figure out a method for having it.
Have you immediately started your day with a heart filled with love and joy? What about one with fear and sadness?
If we’re being honest, there are some stretches of my life where I awake in a state of fear and sadness every. day. That sucks. I’ve never admitted that to myself before this morning; I’ve never really had the meditative pause in my lifestyle to explore thoughts like this before. Today is Day 02 of my sabbatical from stress and it’s already feeling more mindful.
Excuse me, I’m getting ahead of myself. This creative brain of mine is looping through excited idea after another while I write this, thinking of a thousand different ideas to start, but today I have the focus to complete this first one. How did I get here when I can’t even tell you what a joyous mind looks like?
After my confession of awakening regularly with fear and sadness, it may seem pretty obvious as a reader that I battle anxiety and depression, but if we’re being honest today is the first time I’ve ever accepted that about myself. I’ve always known I battled anxiety — I wasn’t keeping that secret safe from anyone — but I should have known by the way I dismissed hearing the two linked together, that I was avoiding my denial about something.
I battle anxiety and depression.
Sometimes I run really hot, I’m full of joy and light and I shoot rainbows from my fingertips and sometimes I’m an erratic case of nerves, a ticking time bomb waiting to explode FUD all over everything. It wasn’t until I accepted this about myself — yesterday lol — that I could ask myself the most important question of all, WHY?
— Why would this happen, what were the triggers causing my joyous state to slump down into insecurity, jealousy, unworthiness, despair and depression? —
And then the answer came to me. It’s because my “change-my-state muscle,” CMS, muscle has gotten flabby.
So, because I’m
a recovering control freak a doer, I’m spending the next 30 days creating morning rituals to strengthen and tone my CMS muscle, just a I strengthen my legs, core, or triceps.
January 05 ’18
Day 02 of my Stress Sabbatical
01 Wake up on time, brush teeth, grab water, and move into this 22 minute Intermediate Power Yoga/Vinyasa Flow before I’m even awake
02 When asked to set an intention for the day during class, I was already in a rhythmic breath and so my muscles were already warmed enough to choose an enlightened intention to set. “Today I will live in love, not fear.”
I find my judgmental mind (that I didn’t even realize I put on today) is replaced in Crista’s morning flow.
03 After class I’m not paying attention to if I feel joy or fear, my creative mind is stirring and suggests searching for a yoga flow for digestion. I land on this 23 minute Beginner Hatha Yoga.
I also discover two abdominal breath work videos and then a kundalini vishudda (throat) chakra flow and I briefly fear how I will manage all the yoga with all the strength training and all of the writing I want to do before I leave for pilates.
Moments later I find myself deep into Banda breath work and the three videos on digestive breath have all been represented in this one. One step closer to an abundance of time.
04 Be Who I Want To Be.
I find myself in shavasana striving to calm my creative mind. I follow the rise of my inhale and then the fall of my exhale. I trust that my ideas will return to me, better, stronger, richer if I trust to let them go.
Patience pays off and I leave my meditation with fuller thoughts and clearer visions.
I notice my internal inner voice has changed. I’m speaking to myself in a intentional and charming way. I imagine myself speaking as a yoga instructor would. I’m charming and smart, I’m witty and kind and not just once have I become aware of my sometimes quippy tongue that is balanced by the good humor in my eyes.
05 My brain is racing again and I have so many ideas it’s difficult to hold onto any one idea, and out of love — not fear — I accept this. I know that I’m building my CMS muscle just as I have have built my physical muscles on my body in the past. It will take time, I will hit fatigue, some days I will be sore, some days I will just need a break. By likening building my mindfulness muscles to something I’m so familiar with I find that I’m flooding myself with acceptance and patience.
06 Just before I begin this 37 minute Kundalini Vishudda Yoga for resonating my truth, direct communication, and full self-expression Tyler joins me on my mat for a hug and to share the news that our hard-to-predict calls from last night about the crypto market were beautifully executed. Would the fear and sadness had been all for nothing if I had greeted my morning that way, or were these decisions the right ones because I chose love and not fear?
Either way, I think I’ll practice strengthening my CMS muscle again tomorrow, this is a rather welcome change 🙂